Expectations and ethics

Trust and mutual respect are essential parts of the work we do together.

I recognize that the nature of the services I offer can make you feel quite vulnerable. I also understand the powerful potential of this work for your growth.

So I believe it’s important for you to know the principles and ethics that guide my integrity in this work. Unless noted otherwise, what follows applies regardless of the type of session or whether it’s a group or individual session.

I invite you to openly discuss any concerns or questions that may arise during our working together. I am happy to explain any aspect of your session or of the information on this page.

I appreciate the opportunity to be part of your growth and learning.

What you can expect

I believe that you are creative, resourceful and whole. You don’t need to be fixed. I don’t diagnose or treat any illnesses or conditions. I’m not a psychotherapist, doctor, massage therapist, attorney, social worker or ordained minister. The services I offer can be a helpful supplement to services like these, but is not a substitute for them. My commitment is to be your advocate and to support the services offered by other professionals.

The focus of my work is to help you find and get what you want in your life. I’ll bring my considerable training, experience and skills in professional coaching, business, sexuality, spirituality, inner relationship focusing, and other arenas to support your growth.

Your growth through our time together is the result of the combined wisdom of your body, mind and spirit and–as we interact–of mine.

What is professional coaching?

Coaching or life coaching is a thought-provoking and creative process that successful people use to help them pursue their passions and strengths. A coaching relationship is designed based on the client’s interests and goals. Discussion, questions and requests are used to assist the client as he reflects, identifies goals, develops strategies to reach them, takes action and adapts to challenges along the way.

Research has demonstrated that the relationship-based skillful listening and questions provided by trained coaches through professional coaching leads to reflection and new learning and successful application of the learning in clients daily lives.^†

I subscribe to the Code of Ethics of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Coaching is not

Psychotherapy or counseling – These deal with past events and how they relate to your thoughts and feelings in the present. Coaching focuses on the present and future and is oriented towards the client applying learning to their life so as to move forward in practical ways.

Consulting or teaching – while a professional coach might be considered an expert in how to change, he does not act as an expert on what the client should do with his life. Rather than telling the client what to do the coach helps the client to draw on his own knowledge and wisdom to find the solutions that work best for that client. In some situations the coach may have extensive knowledge of an area where the client is looking to grow and limited sharing of the coaches knowledge at the client’s request may be permissible but is not the focus of the relationship. In other cases the client may wish to engage the services of the coach in both a teaching or consulting role in addition to the coaching services.

What is erotic coaching for men?

Sometimes you need an experience in your body to help you move forward. These are private experiential sessions that address the whole person. Sometimes these sessions are called somatic coaching, bodywork-based coaching, sacred intimacy or sex and intimacy coaching.

These sessions combine body-based activities and heartfelt conversation to support your learning. These sessions are designed to deepen self-awareness, emotional freedom and erotic confidence. I offer you a confidential, non-judgmental, sensitive and professional approach to your growth in the areas of sexuality, intimacy and spirituality.

To be clear, while these sessions give you an opportunity to learn and grow healthier as an erotic being, they are not intended to fulfill our human desire for sexual connection. I do not have sex with clients, nor am I available for romantic involvement with clients.

What it’s not

Psychotherapy or counseling
Medical care
Therapeutic massage
Sex or romance

What is Focusing?

Focusing is a body-mind practice that grew out of the work of Eugene Gendlin, Ph.D. whose research explored why psychotherapy was unable to help many people. In a nutshell, it’s a safe and respectful way of being with those subtle inner feelings (whether pleasant or challenging) and connecting those feelings in your body with words and images that describe it, and from this finding forward movement that is fresh and satisfying.

I’ve completed training in Inner Relationship Focusing with Ann Weiser-Cornell, Ph.D., one the leading teachers of Focusing in the world. Although I am not a certified teacher of Focusing, it informs all of my work with clients. I’ve found that standing alone or combined with other modalities, it often opens doors to growth and healing in surprising and often profound ways.

Focusing is not psychotherapy. Though it may sometimes be used within therapy, it does not require a trained professional. It is a skill that can be learned and practiced by anyone, and used as often or as seldom as you need.

My commitment to you

My commitment to you is to give you my complete attention during our time together. Our session times are clearly defined and I work to ensure we are complete when our time is finished.

I offer a confidential, non-judgmental, safe and supportive environment where you can explore your feelings, learn, and grow. Your privacy and confidentiality is important to me. I’ve written more about what that means at the bottom of this page.

Your emotional and physical safety is important to me. If you have questions or concerns about this or feel uncomfortable for any reason, please let me know so I can help you. While all activities in sessions and workshops are created placing a high priority on safety, I won’t always know what might make you uncomfortable unless you tell me.

I may make requests of you and you are always free to say yes, no or make a counteroffer to any of my requests. Any somatic coaching or bodywork that we do is with your express consent. You may ask for whatever you want. I will not judge you or your request. I may say yes, no or counteroffer any request you make of me.

The foundation of this work is to help you focus on your own experience during a session.

All sessions are focused on your experience. My personal needs are met elsewhere.

What I expect from you

The most important thing I expect from you is to be present and authentic. Tell me what you are thinking and feeling. What’s on your heart? Don’t worry about editing what you’re going to say. I’m your advocate here to create a safe and supportive environemt for you to explore who you truly are.

You may find that powerful emotions surface during our time together. This is a common response to coaching, focusing and bodywork. I will honor your emotions and feelings by not interfering unless you ask me to. If, for example, you need to cry, I’ll stay with you and let you do so. If you would like something different from me, please ask for whatever you need.

To ensure that I can give all clients the same level of attention, please do not call or arrive early.

Cancellation policy If you need to reschedule or cancel an appointment please contact me 24 hours in advance. Since the time is held for you, payment is expected unless you cancel.

Payment My current fees are listed on this website and are communicated to you before the session. These fees are subject to change.

For phone sessions payment is expected in advance.
For studio sessions payment is expected at the end of each session.
Payment may be made by cash or in advance using credit/debit card via PayPal.

I don’t work with people who are intoxicated or high. Please contact me to reschedule your phone or studio session if you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Expectations for studio sessions

I realize that some of the following guidelines may seem basic to most people. I wouldn’t include them if I hadn’t been faced with these issues in the past. Please understand I don’t ask for anything from you that I don’t extend in return.

Please be respectful and responsible about personal hygiene. You will be the most comfortable if you shower before coming to your session. I realize this is not always practical for every commute and schedule. For some types of bodywork this is more important than for coaching. In some studio locations a shower is available byrequest.
Since close contact and breathwork is often involved, fresh breath is helpful. Breath mints are available. It’s best if you don’t drink coffee or smoke just before your session. I realize for some this may be a difficult request and if that’s you, I invite you to talk with me about that.
If you find that you have a skin condition communicable by touch such as lice, scabies, or ringworm (or other communicable illness like the flu), please contact me to reschedule your appointment.
If you have any medical conditions or physical limitations that might limit or affect the types of activities or bodywork we do together it is important you discuss that with me beforehand.
Somatic coaching and erotic coaching or sacred intimacy sessions can be powerful learning and growing experiences. Scheduling in advance is advised due to demand and limited availability.

More about confidentiality and privacy

I place a high priority on confidentiality and your privacy. I don’t disclose client information and I certainly do not discuss what took place during our sessions without your permission. If we happen to meet at a social event, I won’t even disclose the fact that you are a client. Please respect this confidentiality by not asking me about other clients.

I also expect you to respect my privacy and confidentiality. In the course of a session I may share with you personal things about my own life and learning. You may come to my studio for a session. While you’re free to share what you experienced and learned in a session, I expect you to treat as confidential any specific personal details that you learn about me.

Part of respecting your confidentiality is to be clear and honest with you about the limits to confidentiality.

Supervision – I may discuss specific things that come up during our time together with others doing similar work (other coaches, erotic educators, or focusing-oriented professionals) if I would like help from my colleagues. These discussions are always in general terms in order to not disclose any personal or other identifying information about you.
Professional development and credentialing – Due to my commitment to professional development and an ongoing professional coach credentialing process I am required to keep a log of hours completed for various modalities (e.g. coaching). Other than modality, session length, date, and client name no information about the session content is kept in this log. The only time this log is released is to a certifying board when I apply for credentials (e.g. International Coach Federation) who also keep this information confidential. While it is unlikely, you should know that they do sometimes audit these logs by contacting a few of the clients listed to verify that a coaching relationship existed on the dates given in the log.
Administrative help – From time to time I may retain administrative help with matters such as data entry, bookkeeping, etc. In the course of performing such duties these professionals may work with confidential client data. In addition to confidentiality agreements with them, I have other procedures in place to protect confidential information. I periodically re-evaluate the suitability and integrity of these professionals and of the software used to perform these tasks.
Contact methods – I do use various social media websites and have been known to sometimes send cards for birthdays or other occasions to those who have given me a postal mailing address. If it would bother you if I contacted you in these ways, please let me know.
Threats of violence – If you make threats of violence against yourself or others, I am not obligated to intervene or to report this. However I reserve the right to do so if it seems best in my sole discretion. If you make threats of violence against me, yourself or others, you are by so doing giving your specific and express consent for me to disclose whatever information about you I consider necessary, in my sole discretion, to protect myself or the person(s) threatened.
Other risks – You should also be aware that email and the phone are not completely secure means of communication. If, for example, you have concerns about being at risk for domestic violence, or child custody battles, this may be an area of concern for you. In such cases you should seek help from legal and privacy experts to help you with that. While your privacy is important to me, you should know that I do not make any promise to fund a court battle in the highly unlikely case a court order required me to disclose information.

Affiliates and partners

From time to time on this website, related websites or in other communications like workshops and email I may recommend products, services or other practitioners to you. In some cases –though certainly not all– I may receive a commission or referral credit if you purchase from a source I recommend. This does not increase the cost to you.

Please be assured that I am cautious about what I recommend. I only recommend products or services I have carefully reviewed and in most cases that I have personally used. You are always free to go to the provider’s website directly if you prefer not to use an affiliate link.

† Griffiths, K. & Campbell, M. (2009). Discovering, applying and integrating: The process of learning in coaching. International Journal of Evidence Based Coaching and Mentoring, 7(2), 16-30. Retrieved from http://www.business.brookes.ac.uk/research/areas/coachingandmentoring